Pupdate #3: The Big Decision
After writing my latest post last night, I kept thinking about how Winston took my scarf to his bed. It's the kind of thing you see in movies. It's romantic. It's nostalgic. It makes us think of when times were more pastoral and peaceful. I thought about what that must have meant for him, to want to be close to me, to smell my scent, to feel loved. When he was laying on my chest tonight as I watched TV after an exhausting day, It struck me that Winston needs more than I can honestly provide with my schedule.
I love dogs and Winston is great, but neither of those things make up for the amount of time I have had to put into him so far, that I cannot afford (literally, financially) to not be able to focus on work, and the fact that even what time I have given him isn't even enough. He needs a parent with more patience than I have, with more time than I have, and who can give him the attention he needs and deserves.
The current situation is stressing both of us out, and I'm sure it's boring him. The perception might be that I haven't given it enough time, but it's not like we go for two walks a day and that's it. Since I got him, almost every waking moment has been about him. It's not a partnership, it's a job. It's a noble and honorable job, and I respect anyone who can do this on their own, but it's a job, and financially, it's not allowing me the time to invest myself in the one that actually pays the bills. And the bills need to be paid.
This isn't a movie, no matter how cute it may seem to personify Winston through his own Twitter feed. It's a matter I take very seriously. It's a matter that is very personal for me. While I don't feel like a success, I don't feel as though I have completely failed, either. But I severely underestimated what it takes to be a great parent to this dog, to allow him to feel fulfilled in a home that's right for him. I'm an okay parent, but Winston needs someone who will be amazing for him.
While watching TV tonight, I realized that meeting Winston's needs is ultimately the most important course of action. If I cannot provide that for him, I need to allow him to find a home that can. I don't think it's a failing on my part to recognize that I am not his best option, his best hope, but I'm certainly not chalking it up as a success story.
As you can guess by now, I have decided to find him a new home, no matter how much girls like guys with dogs. I'm going to change this adoption into a foster, and I'm going to make sure he goes to the right home. I'm sad. I'm torn up. But ultimately I have to be realistic. I think this choice is the right one for both of us.
I'm going to be contacting some friends who I think Winston might be great with, but if you are interested or know someone who is, I am looking to find the right home for him sooner rather than later, to reduce the amount and mpact of additional stress it will put on him.
So folks, Winston would do well with a backyard to play in, a pet parent who can walk him for one to two hours a day, and a parent who can be a good pack leader and provide the structure he needs. I guarantee you he will be a great pet and friend to the right person. Unfortunately, that person just isn't me.
Status: Looking for a new home. Regretfully.